About your “Livin' the
Straight Way”. I just want to know about your perspective if a man, when
he was kid/young; his first wet dream was making love with a man.
When he gets adult, he just
attract (sexually) to another man. He is not interesting to (even) naked
beautiful woman. But when he sees a nice and cute man, even in casual or in
suit, his heart trembling, wants to get to know about the man… wants to stay
closer with the man ….
How’s Islam define this
situation. What a man should do if he is not interesting to woman. When he
browses Internet, he found some friends there, when there is movie about gay
man, he though he is not alone.
I am one of confusing men,
between being gay and being Muslim
Thank you [Name removed]
(from Indonesia)
Wa 'alaykum as-salaamu wa rahmatullahi wa
barakaatuh.
May Allah reward you for sending this message - I
only hope that I can fulfil the trust you have placed in me with this question.
I cannot claim to be any sort of expert, but as your Muslim brother I can try
and give you the best of my advice insha'Allah.
First and foremost, I advise you not to give up
on your practice of Islam. If you are convinced that this is the right way, then
never give up on it. Continue reading and otherwise learning more about Islam,
and strive to draw closer to Allah to earn His reward. I can't think of any
advice more essential than this!
Secondly, it is clear that you are faced with a
great struggle and test, which you may find enormously difficult to handle. I
very much feel for you and wish you all the best in your life. Nowhere have I,
or will I ever, claim that "gay Muslims" find it easy to live pure
lives. They have to bear something that most others just fail to understand.
You ask how Islam defines the situation of the
man you described - well, I would begin by reminding you that every person is
born on the "fitrah" or Natural Way. It is the suggestions (whispers)
of Shaytaan (Satan) that can lead us astray: if we listen to them! The man's
desires could be explained simply in this way, or, alternatively, by reference
to a combination of biological, social and psychological factors.
In other words, we all face a unique combination
of desires and inclinations, i.e. a unique test during the course of our unique
life. For some people, this would involve being strongly attracted to members of
the same sex. However, this DOES NOT MEAN that the person must be labelled
"gay"! Most people would attach this label, and I consider that a
large part of the problem we Muslims face.
In my opinion, Islam does not accept the concept
of the "gay person", never mind the "gay Muslim". There is
only one true "sexual orientation", which is the natural relation
between man and woman. Any other attraction is a test and trial for the person
experiencing it. Rather than "homosexual people", I speak of
"people with homosexual urges" and "people who commit homosexual
acts".
So why does the man in your question experience
what he does? That's impossible for me to answer definitively, but it could be
due to a number of things. It could be caused by biological factors, in which
case it is a test from Allah, not totally different from a physical disability.
In either case, or even if we are granted what we consider a fully healthy body,
Allah judges how we use that body, and whether we are grateful to Him for it.
It could be a psychological condition caused by
the society around him, which bombards him with images and suggestions. Perhaps
he has become confused and has misplaced his healthy desires. Most likely, it is
a combination of all these factors, so it is not a simple matter to say WHY
someone has homosexual feelings.
Let me assure you that these feelings are not
sinful in themselves! Allah does not punish us for bad thoughts. However, if we
fail to combat and counteract these thoughts, they may lead us towards sin. For
example, homosexual urges can lead us to look at pornography, gaze lustfully at
people, behave immodestly or even, in the worst case, commit sodomy (homosexual
acts). This is why understanding Islam, and how it provides a path for spiritual
cleansing, is so important. Allah has special love for the one who turns to Him
for refuge when Shaytaan whispers. Please read Surah An-Naas (114) when you need
inspiration.
Finally, you ask what the man should do if he is
not attracted to women. There is no easy answer, except that he must avoid what
Allah has forbidden! Maybe he will become more attracted to women once he has
purified his soul more. Maybe he will never like women, but instead will keep
pure for Allah's sake. I consider a man who did that to be a great man, who must
be deserving of great reward from Allah the Exalted.
I hope I have been of some help to you. and
insha'Allah that you browse our website often as it grows. You are very welcome
to write back for more information or clarification.
Assalam-o-alaikum. I hope you are absolutely fine.
In the beginning of my message, I just want to explain that I am bisexual man
from Pakistan. Of course I am Muslim too.
I can not disclose my real name here therefore you can just assume my name as
Zahid Saleem.
As I told you that I am bisexual man. I need your help. Can you please guide
me what should I do for reducing bisexuality from my mind?. I really
understand that it is really bad but I can not do anything for stop it because
I am naturally bisexual and this habit is with me from my early childhood. But
I am thankful to my God that I have never did Zana (sex) with same gender.
But I am really afraid that I shall remain bisexual then may be I shall have
sex in future with same gender. Believe me I am really very afraid. I am 22
years old and you can understand how dangerous this age is. I am use to stop
myself for last many years but I am not sure that I shall able to stop myself
in future too.
Please help me. I really need your help.
With regards,
Yours truly,
Zahid
Wa 'alaykum as-salaamu wa rahmatullahi wa
barakaatuh.
Alhamdulillah, I am fine and I hope you
are well too over there in Pakistan! I pray that Allah strengthens and guides
you, and rewards you for seeking help in obeying Him to the best of your
ability. Furthermore, I ask Him to help me in my response to you.
You begin by telling me that you are
"bisexual", but I would like to disagree with your choice of words at
this point. The words "homosexual", "bisexual" and
even "heterosexual" are used in a specific context to enforce a
certain set of ideas. You see, they only make sense within a philosophy that
accepts that people are born with various different (natural) "sexual
orientations" and that someone can be defined according to certain feelings
or attractions they have.
To explain this in detail would take very long -
look out for our upcoming articles on the subject - but in brief, you should
realise that Islam is not a philosophy like that. We learn from the Qur'an and
Sunnah that people are born pure but are subjected to trials and temptations
from Satan (Shaytaan) and his forces in society. This life is a test, on
which we will be judged for the next life. Certain people are more vulnerable to
certain sins and temptations, which makes every person unique in his test.
So, rather than falling for the un-Islamic
terminology, you should tell me, "I am a Muslim man and I feel sexually
attracted to men as well as women". The reasons for this could be many,
and could be explained in different ways. We could refer to biology, psychology,
sociology - and alternatively understand it in Qur'anic terms. "Shaytaan
makes being with a man seem like a beautiful thing to me."
I understand that this is not something you have
deliberately chosen, so you are not sinful for your thoughts. Indeed, if (as it
seems to me) you are doing everything you can to fight those thoughts, by
Allah's grace you will be rewarded for acting against your evil desires. May
Allah strengthen you and smooth your way for you, Ameen.
You mention that you have never commited sodomy
(sex with a man) - I commend you for your restraint. What you must never do is
give in and do what Allah has forbidden. Strive to avoid anything that might
lead you towards the sin, as Allah says "And do not approach Zinaa'
(adultery)". Surely this teaching is applicable also when it comes to
your same-sex desires.
It is important to observe the Islamic rules of
modesty, and indeed you may need to observe modesty with men more than most
Muslim men do. This is because it is essential that you combat the specific
temptation that you have. Avoid being alone with men if you think that will
heighten your desire. Lower your gaze and avoid looking lustfully at men. Don't
look at stimulating pictures, whether in print, online or on television.
And all the way, turn to Allah and beseech Him
for His help because He is the Most Merciful and your Best Helper. Engage in
extra prayer, and perform optional fasts - for these combat desire as our
Prophet (SAW) told us.
Please keep referring back to our website, and
especially the Advice Section. If you haven't already, please see the
following article, which has further good advice for you insha'Allah:
I hope you are absolutely
fine by the grace of Almighty Allah.
I have received your e-mail,
thank you very much for this.
Whatever your openion is
about me. As you do not do not believe about bisexuals or homosexual theories
but I do not want to discuss these matters.
Sir please for God sake I am
really in trouble. As I told you that I find same sexual attraction in men and
women both so please help me.
Please guide me what should I
do to finish this dangerous feeling. I am use to save myself from Zana (sex)
for a very long time and I faced so many difficulties and suffered so much to
stop myself from these things.
There are many people around
me, men and women both who have asked me for sex openly. I can refuse women
easily but can not refuse men easily and face many difficulties because they
are too close to me.
I am really afraid that it
will be very difficult for me in future to stop myself. I shall become so
upset and get so much depression. Sometimes I think I am going to be a pshyco
patient.
Please advice me what should
I do?. Is there any way through which I can become a straight man.
Please reply me soon
otherwise I shall get a very big trouble.
Salam to you and your family,
Your brother,
Zahid Saleem
AND THREE DAYS LATER...
It is my last
email to you. I thought you will help me but I know no one can help me.Today I have decided to choose the way I like. I know I can
not stop myself from Zana or sex with same genders too long. But now I think I
didn’t become a bisexual by my own will. I am bisexual by birth. It isn’t
my fault. So you people should also not interrupt in other’s personal life.
I am what I am.
You people can not do anything. You can just criticize gays
and bisexuals but can never help them to have a straight life. You people says
that you hate gays and bisexuals. Can you tell me reason?. When you can not
help me even I myself requested you again and again to please help me, then
who gave you this right to hate or criticize us.
You people should shut your mouth and stop your stupid
activities. Stop criticizing us and just mind your own business. If you
can’t help us then just get lost. Now I shall perform any activity which my
own mind will ask me to do.
My dear brother Zahid, As-salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah,
First of all, I apologise for the delay in
replying to your second e-mail. However, I don't think that three days is
unreasonable, considering that we are volunteers who do this work purely for the
sake of Allah and have to work and study for our livelihood. Fortunately I was
able to respond to your first e-mail almost immediately, but I'm afraid you must
be patient and not expect instant replies every time. I have been very busy, but
I have been thinking very deeply about your e-mail because I am very concerned
about your situation.
Your last e-mail has shocked me because I think
the things you have written are unjustified. We at the StraightWay Foundation
are simply trying to help our brothers and sisters who are going through great
difficulties, such as yourself. We are not able to perform miracles, but we are
striving to learn more so that we can give good advice. We need support from
people like you, not anger. We have never said that we "hate gays and
bisexuals". I am not criticising you in any way! I want to help you to
the best of my ability, and may Allah be my Helper in this task.
As for my first reply: you seem unhappy that I
began with a semi-detailed explanation of my perspective on
"bisexuality". I was not trying to bore or annoy you. Rather, I think
that the first advice I could give you is to understand Islam correctly.
If you understand who you are, how Allah created you, and the meaning of the
life of this world, then you will be equipped against the lying whispers of
Shaytaan. I think my ideas were backed up by your last e-mail, which says:
"So
you people should also not interrupt in other’s personal life. I am what I am
... Now
I shall perform any activity which my own mind will ask me to do."
You can do what you like. You can follow your
desires, from your nafs, into which the Devil whispers, if that's what
you want to do. But you should realise that you may be punished by Allah for
that. Shaytaan has promised he will try and drag mankind into the Fire with
him. Do you really want to follow this one whom Allah described as "a
clear enemy to you"? No, instead you should follow the guidance that
Allah has given to you, and turn to Him for help in the face of the trials you
are going through. Allah is testing you - will you even try to pass the test?
Now, as you have requested, I shall try my best
to give you some useful advice. I pray to Allah that you try to follow it and
find it beneficial.
1. Realise
that 3 things could happen:
(1) Your lusts towards men disappear so
there is no problem for you. (2) You still feel the same for your whole life but resist the urges
for the sake of Allah. (3) You follow your lusts and they lead you to disobey Allah and earn
His anger.
First of all, I want you to reject the idea of
allowing (3) to come true. That would indeed be a wrong path to take!
Now, what you must want the most is that (1) comes true. However, you
should bear in mind that it might not, and that instead you will take path
number (2), for which Allah will surely reward you according to His will.
2. Seek
psychiatric help.
There are psychologists who specialise in helping
people to get over unnatural urges and lusts. According to the
"orientation" terminology you are using, this is known as
"re-orientation therapy". See www.narth.com
for more information about this. The best course of action here would be to find
someone near you, preferably a Muslim, who can help you professionally. If you
e-mail cybercounselor@islam-online.net
with your request, they may be able to find you someone suitable insha'Allah.
3. Get
married.
This might not be best in your own situation, but
the Prophet (SAW) recommended marriage as being the means to avoid evil
temptations. You would be satisfying your lusts in a way that is not only
permissable, but for which Allah will reward you! Of course, you may well prefer
to eliminate your evil desires in other ways first rather than possibly subject
your wife to difficulties.
4. Observe
Islamic guidelines on modesty - applied to the same sex!
There are many guidelines which the Qur'an and
Sunnah provide when it comes to shame and modesty, and many of these are
expressed only in terms of the opposite sex. However, you should try to
follow them as well as you can - even if they speak about how you should deal
with women, it may be best for for you to apply them in the case of men
too. Here are a few examples:
(a) Avoid being alone with a man if you feel it
will cause trouble for your heart.
(b) Don't look at the private parts of other men (this is forbidden anyway).
(c) Avoid arousing images to the best of your ability, especially pornography in
films, magazines and websites.
I am sure that there are many more examples that
you can think of. Just strive to remember Allah's words: "And whosoever
feared his standing before his Lord and restrained his soul from desire, indeed
the Garden is his abode." [An-Nazi'at 79:40-41] Also here are some tips
from Shaykh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi on restraining desire:
1. Observe fasting,
because it bolsters one's faith, preserves chastity, and protects one from
evil thoughts.
2. Observe moderation
in eating and drinking in order to avoid stimulating your desire.
3. Keep away from
anything that is sexually stimulating, such as pornographic pictures, erotic
films and love songs.
4. Choose good and
righteous friends.
5. Keep yourself busy
in worship and spiritual acts.
6. Interact with
activities of the society in such away that it keeps you away from thinking
about sex.
7. Try to admire
natural things such as flowers and beautiful scenery, which do not stimulate
one sexually.
Numbers 4 and 5 are particularly
important. Keep good company who will remind you of Allah, and keep you away
from acting on your temptations. And all through your life, and especially in
the depths of the night, turn to Allah and beseech Him for His help, for surely
there is no success without His help! If you truly turn to Him, He will forgive
you whatever transgressions He wishes, and never will His forgiveness run out,
no matter how bad your sins are (short of shirk - worshipping others
beside Allah).
Now as I said before, we are a new organisation
and our workers do not yet have much experience in this type of work. It is
clear that we are a pioneering force in the Muslim community, which has so far
ignored the great torment that people like yourself are facing. We are trying
our best to make our articles available as quickly as possible, but please
forgive us and make du'aa for us as we are far from perfect. Please keep referring back to
the website, and, as I suggested before, have a look at the
following article:
I hope this answer will go some way to helping
you to continue along the Straight Way of Islam - trust in Allah and surely He
will never desert you, my dear brother. Seek refuge in Him and be constant in
His remembrance. This is the way to success in this life and the next!
Cheap Reseller Hosting 
