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Young Man Struggling with Fetish

The following touching plea was submitted to Islam Online's Cyber Counselors, and their reply is below.

Dear Counselors, Im a Muslim male youth. I got to know Islam Online recently and noticed the Cyber Counselor service which has given me hope to find help in solving my problems.

The problem that I have is of a difficult and deep nature that I don't expect to find a solution through just an e-mail response. What I need is to find a suitable psychiatrist or so, who has the sympathy and understanding that I need, in addition to the experience in dealing with such problems. I realized my need to see a psychiatrist long ago, however I found it difficult to ask any of my relatives or aquaintances to help me choose a suitable and good doctor. Although I think there is nothing wrong with going to a psychiatrist, it remains socially embarrassing to tell people that I need to visit one. Besides, Im not psychologically close enough to any of my close relatives, and I have a major problem that is difficult to speak about with anyone.

As for this major problem that is disturbing me badly, especially nowadays, I knew from some psychology books that it is called fetishism one of a group of psychosexual disorders called paraphilias. I have a strong attraction to mens bare feet, you might find that very strange, but I have not chosen to have this feeling in me, nor can I eliminate it from me. I had this attraction to feet since I was a child. As a teenager,all my sexual fantasies were about men’s feet and till now I can get sexually excited if I let myself watch a mans good looking bare soles. In fact, it sometimes takes a lot of effort from me to prevent myself from looking that I feel astonished about how strong this desire in me is.

Meanwhile,when comparing myself to my peers I often felt they are more interested in women than me.In fact, though I feel the beauty of women, I cannot remember any occasion in which I got sexually aroused by a woman. About two or three years ago, I started to realize how serious this problem is. I decided to resist this weird desire by not looking at or thinking of anything related to this desire. I managed to do that for a long period, about nine months or more. During that period I felt more settled and satisfied with myself, but I have not experienced an enhancement in my sexual attitude towards women.

However, at one night I couldn't resist the recurrent desire to fantasize about feet. Since then, I tried to stop many times, but I only stop for a short period then my resistence breaks down. You can imagine how badly this affects my life. Sometimes I feel how odd this desire is and wonder how I let myself surrender to it, however, soon afterwards my attitude changes and I return to the starting point and the same torture of letting it occupy my mind, but never fulfiling it.

Lately, things became worse after I had access to the internet. I discovered that there are many people in the world who share this attraction with me. There are several sites catering for this desire. I also found out that many people abroad who have this fetish for feet meet each other and just fulfil their desire without feeling guilty. This has only made me more vulnerable towards this desire and increased my pain. I'm trying to stop visiting these sites, but I don't always succeed, and when I visit them I envy those people and wish I were there with them more than anything else.

I think one basic reason why I failed to resist this desire is when I manage to get it out of my mind and concentrate on my life I face a lot of other problems. I'm often depressed and suffer a lack of the enthusiasm to do things that I want to do. I have enough reasons to make me think of seeing a psychiatrist even if I havent had this unusual desire. I think being often unhappy pushes me to think about this desire trying to find happiness from it. However, it brings me pain more than happiness because I can't have what I fantasize about in reality, yet, I cannot stop.

What I now know is that I cannot get over this problem by myself. I need the help of a professional, but I need someone who makes me comfortable talking to him. I thought I might be lucky enough to find what I'm looking for through you. So, please inform me if you can recommend a psychiatrist or anyone who can help me. If you cannot, I'd be happy just to receive an answer from you. Thank you.

You have a complex, but not that uncommon of a problem.

One- you have a fetish for feet, mens feet;
Two- paraphilia, you have to obsess on your fetish to reach sexual satisfaction, pardon me if I paraphrase and,
Three- you are solely attracted to men.

As a clinician I understand the dynamics at hand. Now enters the complication, religious beliefs. It is not religiously wrong to have a fetish or paraphilia, but as I am sure you know, homosexuality is considered wrong and is absolutely forbidden. The depression, unhappiness and shame you feel all stems from the conflict between what you feel and what you believe is right, this believe it or not is a good thing. Generally most people would do what makes them feel good, instant gratification. Your self-esteem is suffering and you are isolating yourself by using the internet to find others with similar problems. I would suggest you find a psychiatirst that specializes in sex therapy. Be completely honest, honesty is the key in resolving issues and therapy success. You stated these feelings are something you can't eliminate form yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you are suffering and can expect to be treated with dignity and respect. Your faith in Islam has guided you to try to find an answer to these problems, don't lose sight of its teachings, read the Qur'an. While I cannot recommend someone, please try again, and I wish you the best.