The Straight Struggle

With this religious explanation in mind, let us proceed to the domain of psychoanalysis, in which we will insha'Allah discover the cause of homosexuality in most homosexuals (not those of Sodom and Gomorrah) and how it might be cured.

Normally, a male child bonds with its mother from infancy, since the mother provides it nourishment and tactile pleasure. The father does not enter the scene until later, but if, when he does, he permits the son to identify with him in 'possessing' the female (i.e. the mother), the male child's natural, inherent, and God-given heterosexuality remains intact and healthy. Indeed, the natural sexual attraction between a man and a woman has existed since man's inception, and though it represented the downfall of Adam and Eve, it remains the basis for the propagation and reproductive success of most animal species. Humans are born with intact sexual systems, which naturally seek the opposite sex. However, if the male child is extremely sensitive, perceives the father to be hostile and aggressive, and gathers that the father will not permit him to have the woman, he develops a defensive adaptation - homosexuality.

In these rare distortions of the psychosexual drama, the male child becomes convinced that he cannot have the woman and thus sexually renounces her, substituting an affectionate male figure as the object of sexual desire. The father himself will not become the object of sexual desire, because the child remains afraid of him and knows that he will not provide affection or care. The injury to the child is so deep that it becomes sexualized. This desire to sexually bond with an older male grows later in the child's life and represents an essentially irrational wish. It was, in the first place, irrational that the father foolishly - possibly enviously - competed with the child for the woman, but unfortunately, because children cannot think rationally at a young age, they make irrational psychological associations to their own detriment. The father may compete with the son for any number of reasons: for instance, he may perceive the son to be more good-looking than him or he may simply be unreasonably competitive with other males in various arenas.

Another cause of homosexuality is the presence of a close-binding-intimate (CBI) mother, who through her overly possessive care effectively demasculinizes the male child. It should be noted that the CBI mother is not simply a mother who naturally loves and cares for her child - something most mothers naturally do - but rather a mother who 'aggressively' keeps the male child for her own care, allowing it to 'bind' to no one but her. It may seem, at first glance, that such a situation would be more conducive to heterosexual development instead of homosexual development, for why should the child renounce the woman if she refuses to let him go and dotes on him incessantly? But the CBI mother does not permit the child to be sexually attracted to her and psychologically convinces it that it has to renounce its masculinity if it wishes to remain in her loving arms.

The first of the said causes - the defensive adaptation against the perceived aggression and hostility of the father figure - carries much more weight than the second cause - the presence of a CBI mother - for it has been observed that most homosexuals subjected to scientific studies had fathers perceived to be aggressive and hostile while less had CBI mothers. Often, a male child who develops the irrational wish may have an anxious, not a CBI, mother.

What is the male to do, once he has matured, in order to relinquish the irrational wish and to resolve the defensive adaptation? The cure, from a Muslim perspective, will entail two key factors:

1) he should earnestly and sincerely pray to the Almighty that He assist him in suppressing the homosexual inclination and pave the path toward heterosexuality in the future and
2) he should strive to intellectually resolve the defensive adaptation.

The latter involves recognizing that the desire for a homosexual bond is an early irrational wish that must be rejected, overcoming the fear of aggression and hostility on the part of the father and other males, and realizing that there is no angry guardian male who will prevent him from sexually bonding with the woman. With time and deep thought, insha'Allah, the male will effectively resolve the defensive adaptation of homosexuality and become psychologically and sexually prepared for a natural heterosexual marriage. However, for one reason or another, it is possible that such a male only wins half the battle; that is, he may be able to reject the irrational wish without fully recovering to basic heterosexuality. In such circumstances, the individual has no choice except to drive the homosexual impulse out of the mind and body, through psychotherapy and God's assistance, and live a life of celibacy.

Yes, it is unfair, for most of the world will enjoy the company of a spouse while we remain without sexual intimacy for as long as we live. It can be expected that this will create misery, but it also must be realized that life itself is 'unfair' insofar as God has administered tests of different types and degrees of difficulty for man. Yet, He is by no means unjust, for He shall reward us according to the effort we make to succeed and the difficulty of the test. The writer, for one, considers the test difficult and requests the male heterosexual reader to imagine himself being sexually tempted every time he goes to the mosque to pray, every time he attends a social function, every time he goes to the pool to swim, etc. "What," you ask, "could be so tempting? After all, the women have their separate space for prayer so we do not really see them, women generally tend to be in a separate room at social functions, and God knows we don't swim in the same pool as them. Where is the sexual temptation?" Herein lies the temptation: a male who suffers from homosexual urges and inclinations, praying, socializing, and swimming with men is analogous to a straight male swimming amongst the women, praying with the women, and openly socializing with them on a DAILY basis. Who could deny feeling temptation? And consider that the straight male may, eventually, gratify his sexual impulse whereas the gay male can never gratify his sexual impulse, unless he returns to his heterosexual core successfully. Therefore, the homosexual male must clench his teeth, pull on his hair, and use the iron rod of the Creator to drive out the desire in him, damaging - sometimes nearly killing - the sexual instinct. But in all this painful, miserable toil, there should emerge patience, steadfastness, perseverance, and a closeness to the Kingdom of the Almighty.

I would like to close this article with the following message: fathers of the world, unite and love your sons dearly. Do not even allow for the slightest chance of aggression or hostility toward them, for if your son is sensitive enough, he may fall victim to a terrible ailment. May the Merciful Lord of the universe guide us all in the Right Path. Amen.