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Removing
the Label of Homosexuality
Hwaa Irfan
[This
article was originally a response to the following question:
Is
homosexuality a sickness or a sin? If a person has these negative
desires from childhood, what should he do to get rid of it, and
follow the straight way? Is there hope for those people? Can we help
them anyway possible?]
The
virtue of the verse in the Qur’an:
“O
you who believe! Let not (one) people laugh at (another) people
perchance they may be better than they, nor let women (laugh) at
(other) women, perchance they may be better than they: and do not
find fault with your own people nor call one another nicknames; evil
is a bad name after faith, and whoever does not turn, these it is
that are the unjust”
(Hujurat 49: 11).
When
we label ourselves or each other with bad names, we in fact trap
that person in that label. In this case, the label is
‘homosexual’. By saying that someone is ‘homosexual’ or the
person himself believing he is homosexual, upholds the
characteristics that go with that label for males. This prevents the
growth of that person so they end up believing and accepting that
they are indeed homosexual. You tell someone by word or deed that
they are inferior often enough they will end up believing it. This
means that they have failed in some way and no one wants to fail at
being the best that they can be. They feel that they can not get
away from this label so they subconsciously give-in to it and adopt
the mannerisms that go with it.
Homosexuality
is a very complex notion that some cultures struggle with more than
others. When someone is young and not acquainted with their
emotions, thoughts and feelings, they are vulnerable. The most
important thing in their lives is that they have a balanced domestic
environment whereby they are not left alone with their emotions, but
can find someone to talk to and share their thoughts with; this is
because they are in a process of discovering who they actually are.
The process of self-discovery is longer for some than others.
Without
any information, it is difficult to comment on the situation that
you speak of, but one of the common factors that leads towards
homosexual tendencies is being introduced to sex far too young. This
can be by accident, carelessness (e.g. TV.) or by force - as in
sexual abuse. When one feels trapped within one’s emotions with no
outlet, the alternative is turning to oneself. Another reason could
be due to growing up in an environment with confused gender roles,
which is a growing dilemma in Western countries like the one in
which you live. The sense of femininity and masculinity becomes
blurred within oneself affecting the polarities of the mind-body
relationship.
If
the person you are referring to is young, it is important that he be
treated like anyone else. To try to define the narrow line between a
‘sickness’ and a ‘sin’ is difficult because a sickness,
holistically speaking, is usually a result from a sin. A simple
example is food. If we eat bad food or have a bad diet, we become
ill – this is also a sin because one is going against the needs of
the body, which requires a healthy balanced diet in order to
function properly. Going back to homosexuality, the male-female
energies that exist within all of us become blurred by our inability
to understand what is going on inside emotionally and
psychologically, so we give-in to whatever direction these feelings
want to take us. To help someone find their way in life, it is
important that we give them the necessary support and guidance. This
way, they will not feel isolated from the mainstream and left to
gravitate towards what they reflect what they are going through
(i.e. other homosexuals). From experience, I have generally found
that the more normal you can treat people, the more likely they can
find their balance and direction in life. This also includes
homosexuals. When we react negatively, we reinforce the sense of
feeling bad, so they will go where they do not feel so bad. It is
like when a man and a woman meet under whatever circumstances there
might be at one moment when their energies communicate intimate
signals to each other, but if that moment is ignored, then that
stage can be overcome. This is the beauty of gender etiquette in
Islam; it helps to protect us against that moment of possible
regret.
When
a homosexual becomes too aggressive in his expression, it is
generally an over-compensation for some missing male factor in his
life (the father figure). The same applies when a homosexual becomes
effeminate. By ‘missing’ here, it is not meant physically for
the father-mother role can still be present, but they are confused
and un-nurturing of the child that they have. The ‘missing’
mother in their lives for example becomes compensated for by
internalizing that need that they were psychologically deprived of
in some way. It is for parents to recognize that each child has
different emotional and psychological needs and, in some cases, some
children have those needs more than others do.
If
the person you are referring to is a relative, then the problem is
slightly easier to deal with in the sense that you are more able to
act as a friend to him. If he is showing effeminate tendencies, then
it is an expression of lack of ‘will’. He wants to be loved and
cuddled and taken care of. Yet life demands that he takes his role
in life, which he is not willing to do. So his ‘will’ must be
developed in some way. If you are in a position to encourage him to
take on certain simple responsibilities in the home for instance,
encourage him to take responsibility for his future gradually. In
terms of his physical and emotional energies, they need to be
identified so that they can be distinguished. Hatha yoga is a
suitable form of self-development in this process because the
exercises involved are concerned with self-understanding, including
the identification of the ‘will’. It is a gradual process that
will help him to see himself more clearly. Another form of
exercising the ‘will’ is fasting. It would be most beneficial if
he could be encouraged to fast for short periods once a month as
this demands much exertion of the ‘will’ in order to get the
most benefit. Along with this, any physical sports will also
exercise the expression of the ‘will’.
If
the person you are referring to is overly masculine in expression,
then more creative activities (like yoga and arts, including martial
arts) can help in this process. As you use the word ‘homosexual’
we assume that the person is a ‘he’ so basically help him to
explore what he likes and what he does not like and look at the
reasons as to ‘why’. He should not be forced into being a
‘man’ especially in society different from your own which is
deciding for itself ‘what manhood is’. Otherwise any anxious
attempts could backfire. Like all human growth, the process should
be gradual.
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